Monterey Park

Asia-Town USA. Also referred to as MPK, or Asian Retirement Town. City where "suck my" is pronounced "Chuck-Maw", "Iran" is pronounced "E-Lawn", and "626" is pronounced "Chick-too"Chick". You know you have reached the city's boundaries as you drive down the 10 FWY and the freeway speed somehow comes down to 40-45 MPH, which is mostly due to beloved MPKians entering and exiting the freeway at an average of about 27 MPH. City where 18wheelers pass passenger cars going at least 30 miles faster. Where Mercedes and Beemers are going about as fast as the China man riding his beachbike in the sidewalk. City that's dead as funk when other cities are popping (Friday and Saturday nights) and is HAPPENING when other cities are dead as funk (Saturday and Sunday mornings). City where even B of A has Chinese translation next to its name, all restaurants are packed like slave ships at all hours of the day and week and business hours are noted as "We Open Seven Days". As if they're gonna close the funk down on the 8th day! City where green means stop and red means go; turn signals don't mean shiet and you see beloved MPKians making left turns with right turn signals on and vise versa. Lastly, MPK is the #1 exporter of Asian girls into white boy crowds of hollywood clubs and OC pubs, where they enter the city wearing banana pants and hello kitty shirts and exit a few years later to search for their whities wearing fake lashes and colored contacts.